An ode to Megan Fox from that time I went through that weird stalker phase of my life. It was a dark time.

Oh, Megan Fox, with your ebony hair
Your Shakespeare-esque tattoos and your poise, debonaire
And that way that you smirk like you don’t have a care…
I really want to kiss you.

Oh, beautiful Megan, let’s talk King Lear
We’ve much more in common than you’d think, so don’t fear
Sometimes late at night I imagine you’re here…
I really want to kiss you.

Oh, Megan, dear Megan with your perfect-ten figure
Nothing will stop me; I’ll pursue you with vigour
I’ll give you a hug then I’ll fill you with licquor…
I really want to kiss you.

Oh, sex-kitten Megan, you’re there on my wall
Your picture is plastered all over my hall
In my kitchen, my bathroom, my garage an’ all…
I really want to kiss you.

Oh, love-bunny Megan, I’ve found out your postcode
I’ve bought a new sat-nav and filled up the Renault
I’ve got the fresh flowers and i’m by your abode…
I really want to kiss you.

Oh, sweet, silly Megan, you don’t like my flowers?
You tell me to go but I’ve been waiting for hours
You arrogant bitch – my poor heart you’ve devoured…
I’m not sure I still want to kiss you.

What do you mean Megan, you don’t like my letters?
It took me ages to cut out each individual letter
And the glue was expensive; in the shop was no better…
Don’t you want me to kiss you?

What do you mean, Megan, you’re calling the Police?
I only want a kiss then I’ll leave you in peace
(Well, that might be a lie, I want some blood at least…)
Put the phone down so I can kiss you.

Now, now, Megan, there was no need to argue
I didn’t want to use the rope, but I had to
And now you’re all gagged, you’ll speak when spoken to…
And you’ll kiss me when I want to kiss you.

Lookie here, Megan, look at my knife
It’s only a scratch, I’m not taking your life
Just a bit of your blood and then you’ll be my wife…
Oh, how good it was to kiss you.

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