Treat your sprouts well this Christmas
Make sure you don’t overboil them
They feel overlooked
When they’ve been overcooked
And it’s not fair to only include them
Because you feel like you have to
They’ve already got a complex
They’re stuck in limbo
‘Cause they only come out at Chrimbo
One year after the next
For all of their methane misdemeanours
It’s not their fault that they make you fart
With a little finesse
And a little oil dress
They can be a work of art
So why not chop up some bacon
Or some chestnuts (if you’re that way inclined)
Score them with care
Add some chilli if you dare
And I guarantee that you will find
That sprouts are the king of the dinner
Why not give them a little salt crown?
Serve them with honey
And you’re in the money
With a dish that’ll make Oliver frown
Sprouts may have a bad reputation
But they really are cool vegetables
They come on a stalk
And fit nicely on your fork
And look princely sat upon your table
They’re a multi-use foodstuff, you know?
For all of their miniature flaws
When the long stalk’s leftover
Get a mate over
And then recreate ‘Star Wars’
Sprouts have feelings, you see
Why not name them in the tray?
Last year I ate Brian
John, Gary and Ryan
With a little hot butter and bay
They like to feel like they matter
They’re so used to feeling left out
It’s not fair to use their name
For your personal gain
They end up full of self doubt!
So treat your sprouts well this Christmas
Make a vow to eat them each week
Eat them al dente
Enjoy them, and then they
Won’t just feel like Christmas freaks.


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